Crap I have a birthday coming up....

And no I'm not bitching because I'll be getting older, I'm bitching because my husband is the WORST... GIFTER... EVERRRRRR!!!... Seriously.. I'm sure he means well but he just sucks at it.  Ask him to get a card.. awesome.. he is good at cards, excellent even, but a present.. requiring thought, time to go out an purchase, and follow through.. notsomuch..

I mean I'm not hard to buy for. I don't have expensive taste. Not a huge fan of jewelry,  have several obvious hobbies, horses (DUUUHHH) , knitting, snarky tee shirts, reading ( I have a serious Barnes and Noble addiction) so I don't know why he finds it so hard.

Well I won't make you take my word for it let's do a review of some of the past gifts I've gotten shall we??

First there was the John Deere green John Deere clock that chimed with a different tractor sound every hour... EVERY FRICKIN HOUR PEOPLE!!! That thing had a horrible horrible accident that I blame on the dogs and that is the story I am sticking with.

Then there was the toilet.. yup the extra tall toilet for MY birthday. Oh yes a toilet. I made the mistake of complaining about our old toilet a few days before my birthday and evidently my husband thought "GIFT IDEA" and went out and bought and installed it. When my birthday came and went and no gift  I mentioned it casually to him and he said " Well you said you wanted a toilet" making the "VOILA" gesture. Really??? REALLY???  I should really take back those NFL football tickets I bought you for YOUR birthday. :-/.

Onward shall we?? There was the Christmas I got a $25 Blockbuster gift card and a ceramic coffee mug. WTF????  ( He got a WII that year.. and yes it was the first Christmas they came out and I WORKED for getting that motherfucker!)  That SAME Christmas his mother got a 36" flat screen HDTV.. Did I mention she doesn't have cable??? Or Dish??? only the antenna on the roof and about 4 channels. ( as a footnote his mother is a lovely person and not a monster in law. She even told him it was too much) I mean a gift card to Blockbuster??  That is what you give your work Secret Santa... not your wife! And he was soooooo pleased with himself. He was grinning so proud saying " I bet you didn't expect that did ya?"  he was right about that I suuuure didn't expect it... at.... all.

There was this year and I got these.

See the looks of WTF on my daughter and Sister in Law's faces.. oh and he special ordered these. He did get warmer.. it is a horse.. I'm just not 12.

I've also gotten a mop, a vacuum cleaner, a Blue Ray player  not because I wanted one mind you.. It was because he wanted to stream Netflix and so he got it for him. and he built this up sooo much as a huuuuge surprise and I was so excited because I thought he finally saw some of the circled items in the various horsey catalogs I had " accidentally" left laying all over the house. Nope.. something I never wanted, never asked for , that wasn't even on my radar for shit I want. And lest you think it is the cost The one thing I did want last Christmas was a $27 sweatshirt, and no I did not get it. He missed the 3 circled catalogs. *sigh*

He did get me horsey jammies I liked. (2 sizes too big and long sleeves, I get hot when I sleep so I never wear long sleeves to bed.. EVER)


I am hoping to let him off the hook this year. I am planning to go to a horse show and I am going to request that THAT be my Birthday gift. No muss no fuss.. He doesn't even have to shop. Keep your fingers crossed for me guys!!